ORDERING STUFF

THE VORTEX GUARANTEE    
If you are not greeted within 2 minutes, then you’ll be greeted within 4 or 5. Service times vary with business volume, so pull that stick out of your butt. In case you haven’t heard, stress is bad for you. So just try to relax and enjoy the atmosphere, your friends and the whole Vortex experience. You’re having fun, remember?
 
READ OUR MENUS
We've gone to great lengths to include as much information as possible within our menus. You should be able to find anything you need to know in them, so please read them thoroughly. If you ask us stupid questions we will be forced to mock you mercilessly.
 
SPECIAL ORDERS
The Vortex is a bar and burger joint. We stock a serious amount of booze, and offer a menu built around our awesome burgers. But if you are especially fussy, we can also prepare special orders, by request. Ask your server about it. Just understand, if we do make you something that’s not on our menu, we’ll charge you whatever damn price we want to, and you’ll thank us for it. Changing our recipes, or removing ingredients from certain menu items will never result in a price reduction, although it may result in an unsatisfactory meal. Still, we always try to give our customers exactly what they want, even if we know better. People need to learn from their mistakes. So the lesson of the day is, “you order it, you pay for it.”

FOOD ALLERGIES
We do not, and can not, accommodate people with food allergies. Especially allergies serious enough to cause sickness or death. Even if you talk a member of our staff into assuring you that whatever you're allergic to will not be in the item you order, you have simply talked them into violating our official company policy. Please be advised that The Vortex does not certify the absence of any ingredient from any menu item. If you have food sensitivities, food allergies, an autoimmune disease or other related disorder, either mild or severe, your safest bet is to NOT EAT HERE. Likewise, if you are looking for "true" vegetarian or vegan options, you have definitely come to the wrong place. We're just not that kind of joint.

EXTRAS ARE EXTRA
We do our best to keep our quality high and our prices reasonable. One thing that helps us achieve this goal is to actually charge people for what they order. Simple, right? So if you ask your server for extra stuff, just understand you’ll be paying for it. If you’re particularly cheap, then you may want to ask how much an “extra” item costs before you order it. We don’t want to see you crying when the bill comes. Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to let you know the minute that truck full of FREE goodies shows up. But so far, our delivery drivers won’t leave us anything until we write a check. Damned spoilsports.

FRESH FOOD & SERVICE TIMES
All our menu items are fresh, and cooked to order. We strive to have food to your table within 20 minutes, but if we are very busy your order may take a little longer. Any “well-done” burgers will also increase the wait time. You see, a half pound of fresh, raw sirloin actually has to cook. Nothing at The Vortex ever sits under a heat lamp. This ain’t fast food, it’s good food.

RETURNS
We know mistakes can happen, and we are always happy to correct any errors made by our staff. However, we are not in the business of providing free samples. Food that is prepared correctly may NOT be returned because you “just don’t like it.” This applies to everything, from spicy dishes to cocktails. If you order a beer, wine or spirit that you absolutely hate, that’s a real shame, but we don’t brew, ferment, distill or bottle any of it. We just sell it. So if you have a sensitive palate, be prepared to share with your less-fussy friends. You know, the adults.

TAKE-OUT SERVICE
The Vortex is a neighborhood bar, not a “take-out” restaurant. Our on-premise guests will always be our first priority. When we are very busy, take-out orders may be suspended so we can focus on the needs of the folks that actually got their asses into our restaurant. We know that really pisses off a lot of "A-type" personalities, and that's just a shame. Bitching, moaning or yelling at the person that answers the phone won’t change anything, it will just make it all the more obvious that you're an asshole. Emails complaining about this policy have the same effect.
ATTENTION:
Large to-go orders should be arranged and approved ahead of time. We want to help you out. Really, we do. But trying to order take-out for the 50 people on your film crew, with a cold-call at 8:00 on a Friday night, just isn't going to happen.
NOTICE:
If we can’t even answer the phone, that's a pretty good indication that we're too busy to take “to-go” orders at the moment.
PLEASE NOTE:
After 8:00 pm nightly, take-out orders can ONLY be placed in-person, at the bar.

LIQUOR LAWS
ON-PREMISE CONSUMPTION:
 The Vortex is prohibited by law from selling alcoholic beverages "to-go," with the single exception of opened bottles of wine that are not finished when dining on-premise. These bottles may be re-corked and taken home by the customer. No other alcohol may leave our premises.

SUNDAY SALES:
 On Sundays we are prohibited from selling alcohol until 12:30 pm. Apparently, drinking a Mimosa at 11:00 o'clock on Sunday morning will make the baby Jesus cry.

NO MORE FOR YOU: 
We will not serve alcohol to anyone that is visibly intoxicated. We reserve the right to cease the service of alcohol to anyone, at any time, at our sole discretion. Few things are as embarrassing as being cut-off at your favorite bar, so do everyone a favor and cut yourself off, before you start acting stupid.

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE: 
If you don't have a designated driver, and are not sure of your own condition, never hesitate to have the bartender, server or manager call you a taxi. It's not a problem. We've got those guys on speed-dial. We also recommend utilizing the car services, Uber and Lyft.