THE VORTEX GUARANTEE    

If you are not greeted within 2 minutes, then you’ll be greeted within 3 or 5. Service times vary with business volume. So just pull the stick out of your butt. Just relax and enjoy your friends, the atmosphere and the experience. Take a deep breath. Life’s short. Try to enjoy it.

Everything you need to know about our food and beverage selection is printed somewhere within our menus. Please read them thoroughly. If you ask us stupid questions we will be forced to mock you mercilessly. And remember, it’s a menu, not a contract. Occasionally a discrepancy in price or selection listed may occur. That’s called a “typo,” so just cut us some slack.

All the items on our menu are fresh, and cooked to order. We strive to have food to your table within 20 minutes but if we are very busy your order may take a little longer.  Any well-done burgers will also increase your wait time. You see, a half pound of fresh, raw sirloin actually has to cook. Nothing at The Vortex ever sits under a heat lamp. This ain’t fast food, it’s good food.

The Vortex is a true short-order kitchen. We will gladly prepare special orders whenever possible. But realize that if you order something that’s not on our menu, we’ll charge you whatever damn price we want and you’ll thank us for it. And that goes for your ridiculous cocktail requests too. We do our best to keep our prices low, and one thing that helps us achieve this goal is to actually charge people for what they order. So if you ask your server for extra stuff, that’s certainly not a problem, but you will pay for it. Unfortunately, the big truck full of free goodies has never once pulled up in front of our restaurant. They always want us to write a damned check.

We know mistakes can happen, and we are always happy to correct any errors made by our kitchen, but we are not in the business of providing free samples. Food that is prepared correctly may NOT be returned because you “just don’t like it.” Suck it up, crybaby. This applies to cocktails as well. And if you order any beer, wine or spirit that you absolutely hate, that’s a shame too. But we don’t brew, ferment, distill or bottle any of it. We just sell it. If you have any questions or concerns about what things taste like, talk to your server before ordering, or simply be prepared to share what you order with your less fussy friends at the table.

TAKE-OUT SERVICE
The Vortex is a neighborhood bar. It is not really a “take-out” restaurant, so our “dine-in” guests will always be our first priority. That’s why we may suspend take-out orders during our peak business periods. Sorry, but when we are really busy in-house, that’s just the way it has to be. Don’t cry. Don’t throw a fit. That won’t change anything, and it’s just going to make you look like a spoiled little whiner. If we don’t answer the phone, that is a pretty good indication that we are too busy to take “to-go” orders at the moment. Please Note: After 8:00 pm nightly, take-out orders can ONLY be placed in-person, at the bar.

LIQUOR SERVICE
The Vortex is prohibited by law from selling alcoholic beverages "to-go," with the single exception of opened bottles of wine that are not finished when dining on-premise. These bottles may be re-corked and taken home by the customer. No other alcohol may leave our premises. We will not serve alcohol to anyone that is visibly intoxicated. We reserve the right to cease the service of alcohol to anyone, at any time, at our sole discretion. Few things are as embarrassing as being cut-off at your favorite bar, so do everyone a favor and cut yourself off, before you start acting stupid. If you don't have a designated driver, and are not sure of your own condition, never hesitate to have the bartender, server or manager call you a taxi. It's no problem. We've got those guys on speed-dial. So cab it. You'll be glad you did when you wake up at home tomorrow, instead of in county jail.