ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR

SERVERS ARE NOT SERVANTS
We always try to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect. You be nice, and we’ll be nice. Simple, right? There’s no excuse for anyone to be rude. Our service is casual, so if you want to get your server’s attention, feel free to call them by name. But just wait until they’ve finished with the customer they’re currently helping before you try to flag them down. Do not whistle, clap, or bang your bottle on the table like an idiot. Likewise, never reach out and poke a server, pull their apron, or slap their ass. Treating a server disrespectfully, or displaying abusive behavior toward any of our staff, will result in the ill-mannered offender being taken out and beaten until they realize being pleasant would have been a much better option.

NO WHINERS
We are sorry if you are offended by the foul-mouthed strippers sitting at the table next to you. We’re sorry if you think the bar is too smoky or crowded, or the music is too loud, but it’s time you got a clue. This is a bar. On occasion, it might get rowdy. If you’re easily offended, or need to have total control over your environment, then you should probably stay home. Nobody likes a whiner.

THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE
Please keep your shoes on, and your feet off the furniture. Don’t vandalize our bathrooms, or steal our stuff. And never come in here and start adjusting the fans, thermostats or lights, or moving the furniture around like you own the place. If you do, we’ll slap you like a red-headed stepchild. Even if you’re just trying to help, guess what? You’re not helping. If your group has any special needs, let the host, server or manager help you. Our staff is here to help, so just ask them. They may look scary, but they’re mostly pretty nice. Mostly.

CELL PHONES    
You can be as rude to your friends as you’d like. But if you expect to get any service at The Vortex, then get off the damned cell phone. If you stay on your phone, then be prepared to be ignored. Talking on a cell phone when a server is trying to take your order may also result in bodily injury or death, so just put it away.

NO OUTSIDE FOOD OR DRINKS
In case you hadn’t noticed, we sell food and drinks here. This is not a picnic ground. If you are foolish enough to sit your butt down and whip out a sack lunch, or bring in an outside beverage, it will be confiscated and dumped in the trash. Give us any lip and you’ll end up there too.

DON'T MAKE US THROW YOU OUT OF HERE
Upon entering our premises, you become our guest. This is a privilege that is revocable at any time, at our sole discretion. If we don't appreciate anything about your behavior, we reserve the right to throw your silly ass out the door. There is no law requiring us to serve anyone that we think is acting inappropriately. And if we ask you to leave, don’t start telling us about your “rights.” Just shut up and get out, before you make things worse. Be advised, if you do get yourself "eighty-sixed," this may be a permanent situation, or it may just be until you sober up and convince us that you won't act like a damned fool in the future. We’ll let you know our verdict when you skulk back in with your tail between your legs.