GETTING A SEAT

NO RESERVATIONS
The Vortex is a small, casual joint so we seat on a first-come, first-served basis. We do not take reservations. Don’t bother phoning ahead, because even if you speak with an employee you still do NOT have a reservation. You know why? Because we don’t take reservations. Nope, not even for you Big Spender. If we are on a wait to be seated, make sure to give your name to the host, because that is the only way you will get a table.

LARGE GROUPS

If you’re foolish enough to show up with your 20 best friends at eight o’clock on a Friday night, don’t cry like a baby when we tell you it’s going to be a long wait. We are not designed to accommodate big groups, especially during peak days and times. If you do show up with a large party when we’re busy, we may have to split up your group in order to seat you. We always do our best to serve everyone, but contrary to what some people may think, big groups are often just a big pain in the ass.

PRIVATE EVENTS
The Vortex does not offer an option for Private Parties or Corporate Events, as we do not have a separate room to host such activities, and can generally not accommodate large groups (see above). However, for an EXORBITANT amount of money, we might agree to displace our regular customers, and offer a "BUY-OUT" for a specific, and limited window of time. If you have very, very deep pockets and wish to explore this option further, please email us your preferred Vortex location, along with the day, time and proposed budget, and we will get back to you. 

ex·or·bi·tant (igˈzôrbitənt) adjective: going far beyond what is fair, reasonable, or expected: too high, expensive, etc.
synonyms: extortionate, prohibitive, outrageous, unreasonable, inflated, unconscionable, huge, enormous, over the top.

INCOMPLETE PARTIES
Be advised that we do not seat incomplete parties during any peak business period, and we decide what constitutes a peak period. We know all your little tricks and lies too, you tricky, lying little bastards, so don’t even try them. Just have a drink at the bar while you wait for your slack-assed friends. And just so you know, being rude to the host will only accomplish one thing. You leaving. Period.
 

NO CAMPING
We always want our patrons to hang-out and enjoy themselves. But if you have finished eating and drinking, have paid your check, and can see that other people are waiting for tables, be considerate and give up your seat so the next group can enjoy the experience. Come on, you’re done. Don’t be the clueless table of campers. Someday, when you’re the one waiting for a table, you will really appreciate this policy. And if you have taken up a table for hours and hours on end, don’t forget to tip your server accordingly.